True Desires
by aintsettlin
Summary: Arizona/Lauren - post 9x23.


She's pissed at me, I can tell. The way she snaps back at me that she's not going to sit around doing nothing while a room full of babies need help… yeah, I must have pissed her off just a little bit.

In the on call room, I lost myself momentarily in her body, in her lips, in her intoxicating warmth. But as soon as I heard my pager going off, reality came rushing back. As much as I desire this gorgeous blonde woman, I simply cannot allow myself to fall into her in the way that I want. So I looked down at the page and then back up into her hazel eyes, and I took a step back.

"I can't do this. I can't cheat on my wife. I have to go." I had moved to leave the room, but she stopped me with a question.

"Then why did you just kiss me back?"

"Because you're right about something – I want to lose control sometimes, and God knows I want to lose control with you…" I shake my head to clear my thoughts. "But right now I can't do that. I have to help my patients. Please just keep a distance with me okay? I can't… " I hesitate. "I can't be close to you, and not want you. And I can't betray my marriage or hurt my wife. I just can't."

Without allowing Lauren to respond, I had opened the on call room door and quickly headed out. Now here she is, only a few feet from me, avoiding my gaze because she's just as much a control freak as I am, and she doesn't like being told what to do anymore than myself.

I make my way over to a few patient charts, and grab them. I try to focus on the words written on the pages, and yet I can't help but look up at Lauren. As I said only moments before, I feel an intense attraction to Lauren, and being around her clouds my mind and makes me act without thinking.

I admire her body from a distance, as my eyes drift from her slender waist, up to her tempting, exposed neck, and then back down. Even her legs, covered in dark blue, loose scrubs, draw me in. To have those legs wrapped around me… I force my thoughts to stop, and I look up to find Lauren looking back at me. She's not impressed. She drops the forms that were in her hands, and walks quickly toward me. Not stopping until she's inches from my face, I catch my breath at how stunning she looks even when she's mad.

"Arizona, if you don't want to act on your thoughts, then why don't you stop thinking them?" She asks, annoyance permeating from her very core.

"Excuse me?" I ask.

"I can feel your eyes on me, every single time you look my way. Since I met you, I haven't been able to _stop_ feeling your eyes on me. I want you Arizona, and I know you want me. Either act on it," she pauses. "Or stop checking me out."

Without another word, Lauren stalks away. I inadvertently lower my gaze down her back, down her luscious behind, down her legs… and then I realize I'm doing exactly what Lauren just asked me not to do. I jerk my gaze away, and mentally chastise myself for not being able to focus.

For the next few hours, I keep a strong grip on my own will power. I make myself avoid Lauren, pay attention only to patients and other staff members, and I purposely keep to myself as much as possible. And then, when I hear a voice behind me, calling my name, my focus is thrown off.

"Arizona!" I turn to see Callie running in my direction. She quickly pulls me into a tight hug, and I hug her back, although I'm confused by her action. When we pull apart, she explains.

"My cell phone died earlier, and I haven't had a chance to find you, and I've been so worried about you since the power outage downstairs…" I interrupt her.

"Power outage downstairs?" I ask.

"Yeah, you haven't heard? It's been crazy hectic in the ER." Her hand slides along my cheek. "I'm just so glad you're okay. I had to check on you."

I smile at her.

"I'm okay."

"Good, great. Now that I know you're okay, I have to get back down there. Come find me later okay?" Callie brushes a quick kiss on my cheek and hurries away. Before I know it, Lauren is standing only a foot away from me.

"Do you want her the way you want me?" She asks out loud, but in a soft voice, so others can't hear. I'm completely thrown off by her question. I look at Lauren, confused and thrown for a loop.

"What do you mean?"

"Pretty simple I think. Do you find yourself looking at your wife the way that you look at me? Do you kiss her… the way you kissed me in that on call room?" After a second of my non-existent response, Lauren lets her guard down, and allows her anger to dissipate. She edges closer to me, and leans in to whisper in my ear.

"Have you been able to concentrate for the last few hours? Because all I've thought about is how badly I want you. I know you want me just as bad…" Lauren's tongue sensuously caresses my ear, and my eyes flutter closed. "I need to taste you again. Let yourself go Arizona… I'll catch you. I promise."

And to hell I go, because I no longer want to force down my desires - I want to satisfy them.

I grab Lauren's shirt and pull her with me down a hallway only a few feet away. I notice a shelving unit against the wall, and I push Lauren beside it. I take a brief look around, to make sure no one can see us, and then I forget everything I've ever taught myself about being in control.

My lips capture Lauren's in a heated, to-hell-with-the-rest-of-the-world, passionate kiss. My tongue touches hers, and the adrenaline that surges throughout my body exhilarates me. This woman makes me feel an amazing type of euphoria, a type of bliss that I think has been avoiding me ever since that horrible plane crash. And damn, do I want to capture this feeling and bottle it up.

My hands grab Lauren's by the waist, and I pull her hips against mine. I hear a moan fill the air around us, and I'm not sure if it's her or me… or perhaps it was both of us, utterly lost in the moment.

"Arizona...?"

I hear the words from behind, and I can't help but tense up at them, because I know that voice.

I slowly pull back from Lauren, and I see her look over my shoulder. Her expression is of shock, and I'm sure mine is of guilt. She looks at me, and I know that our moment is now over, even though I so badly wish it wasn't.

I step back, Lauren quietly walks around me, and I'm left standing in the empty hallway with Callie, with my wife. I know that in the moments to follow, I will have to come clean with her, to open up to her about my thoughts and my actions. But right now, in this very second, I can't help but wonder just how doomed our relationship really is. Because in the very least, I've spent the last 2 days thinking about a stunningly beautiful woman that is specifically _not_ the woman I'm married to.

And I'm left with a dismal, heart-wrenching, painful thought: Can Callie and I work through this? And more importantly, do I even want us to?


End file.
